Home > Uncategorized > Pretty Little Liars – Season 4, Episode 2

Pretty Little Liars – Season 4, Episode 2

Emily has a bruise on her arm, which means she’ll lose at the swim meet, which means she won’t go to Stanford with Moze, which means they will break up, which means she will die alone.

Welcome to episode two of season four.

Why is Aria still sitting in the front of the class if she broke up with her too-good-of-a-looking young teacher? She still wants the D, obviously, so the front row is close enough. But what are the chances that all four girls are in the same class, when I was told that Spencer was really smart. Do you really expect me to believe that Ashley Benson’s character is smarter than Spencer.

Me: What’s the smart girl’s name?
Katie: Trojan Bellisario.
Me: No… Spencer. ….HER NAME’S TROJAN?!

So if a man has sex with her, did he just use a condom?

Emily is taking steroids.

Hey! This karate instructor is not Asian. It just happens to be a TOO-GOOD-OF-A-LOOKING young karate dude.

The last book Ashley Benson’s character read was the “Hungry Caterpillar,” which definitely means she is not supposed to be in the same English class.

Commercial break

I haven’t heard someone call someone else “Spence” since Everybody Loves Raymond when Ray calls the family friend’s kid “Spence buddy.”

You know, this kid.


“My name’s not Spence-buddy.”


This bird should channel it’s inner Home Alone 3, which was the best one of the bunch.

Do you seriously think that Ezra… Mr. Fitz…has been alive long enough to graduate high school and then get a teaching degree at a university? Spencer looks just as old as him!

The karate guy (Jake, or something): The best way to trust someone is to trust them.
WISE WORDS. Stick to self-defense, bud.

Allison, to get her way, held her breath. What a child. Thank god she’s dead. I think.

Rule one of karate building: In order to be a teacher, you must be able to read the Ching Chong writing in the background.
KISS. What a surprise. Of course Aria’s fighting abilities only come out once she leaves.

Commercial break: First commercial is a movie with Channing Tatum. ABC Family really has this teenage girl demographic wrapped up.

“Don’t talk to me like I’m a bucket of rocks.” That’s odd. And specific.

What bothers me about Pretty Little Liars is how quickly forgiving these girls can be. Mona Lisa was very hostile and tried to kill the girls and now they are all friends and chill. And then Toby, even more sad-sappy, was very hostile during his tenure as “A” or whatever he was and now he is having sex with Spencer.

More steroids for Emily.

I can totally see the Pretty Little Liars casting director wanting an athletic rival, and that it made sense to cast a black girl.

Me: He’s gonna cry!
Toby: *chokes up and cries*
Even more sad-sappy than The Office’s Toby.


They are making this too slow of a scene (is it really that important?) and then HOLY SHIZ. The girl kept swimming into the wall. That’s what she gets for taking so much steroid-like substances.
POTENTIAL SWIMMERS NOTE: The amount of blood you lose during a swimming meet is directly proportional to your chances of attending Stanford.

Tracy Morgan flying around endorsing Mio. Yeah.

Emily wants to finish the race, twenty minutes after everyone else. That’s what she meant by wanting to break the record.


What song is that bird singing? We are in a technology age. Use Soundhound or Shazam, bitch!
Detective Wilden probably deserved getting killed due to the fact he stalked these girls twice.

“A Prius for everyone,” the commercial says. I doubt there are seven billion Prius’s out there.

Final six minutes.

Me: Better be the karate kid.

Bell rings, Aria opens, and it’s the karate kid. This show is so predictable. ARIA HASN’T CHANGED HER CLOTHES. At best, she reeks of newly-rolled-on Dove deodorant and hours of dried sweat.

This show always ends one of two ways:

All four girls checking their phones simultaneously OR
Random hands doing some freaky shit.

Episode two brings us two Emily/Moze kisses. I’m faithful about episode three.

Categories: Uncategorized
  1. katie
    June 19, 2013 at 1:57 am

    it was not steroids, it was prescription Advil or something

    • June 19, 2013 at 2:55 am

      Then she’s some sort of poly-user, or a druggie.

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