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Random Musings 2

July 22, 2012 Leave a comment

The fascinating thing about riding on an airplane is the simple fact you are able to rip the loudest fart you possibly can muster and no one will hear it. Of course the same circulating air means that everyone around you has to not only smell it, but endure it. Thinking about it, I have to deal with it as well.

The story of Helen Keller is easily one of the most impressive things I have ever heard or read about. I do not think enough credit is given to her teacher, which is evident because I cannot even tell you the teacher’s name. However, if I was her teacher, I probably would have sat her down at the dining table and gave her a coloring book and white colored pencil and let her “have at it.” Thinking about it more in-depth, the probably is now a definitely.

Now I’m not saying I am fond of looking at homeless people, but I do get enthralled reading some of their signs, which ranges from the popular “God Bless” to entire paragraphs about no longer being a “cat women since all of them died.” I have never been inclined to give a homeless person money because I was told in elementary school by a teacher that they once gave money to a homeless person only to turn around and see him buy booze. Why do I even remember that? I can’t even remember my math teacher from third grade. Thinking about it deeper, I don’t recall her being a very good teacher. She’s probably homeless now.

Vince Gilligan is a mastermind. The creator of Breaking Bad took a cancer-stricken teacher that we all rooted for into an intense villain that….that we still root for. That would be like the Easter Bunny coming out and saying that he is really Satan, but still complimenting him on how fuzzy his hair is. Thinking about it, has anyone ever pictured Satan as a soft fur ball of a creature? Hell just got a little gayer.

The town where I attend college, Clinton, Iowa, has a high school. That fact is stupid. Clinton High School is home of the River Kings and Queens since it is located near the Mississippi River. That fact is also stupid. When you think about it being an All Boy’s school… you’re entire view of the institution changes. Think about it.

I was recently dubbed a “nerd” when it came to the late 80s, early 90s television show, Full House. This is both a respectable honor and the beginning of my eventual downfall. I do not know what it means to know that there are 192 episodes, the man that wanted to buy the Tanner’s house was Lou Bond (the name is Bond…Lou Bond), or that Michelle totally did not deserve to be princess for the day because she cut in front of Stephanie, which, totally honest, still makes me upset to this day. That stupid monkey-looking brat got everything she wanted. I am amazed at how often Full House comes up in conversation in my life. Good thing I can hold my own during those talks.

I just got a whole can of Minute Maid orange juice from the flight attendant, along with a cup of ice. Living the high life from seat 16C. The can informed me that inside lies 160% of Vitamin C serving. Now, I am not only afraid of the plane blowing up, I’m scared I just might blow up.

I want to start a band called Army of Frogs.

When it comes to helping set up a bridal shower party, a menstrual cycle is trying to creep up in me. When I am forced to sit in the next room, I feel alone. The point here is that we should lock girls in rooms alone when they have their period, only briefly stopping by to give them mini sandwiches, that they obviously made themselves and little cups of water to help tame said period.

Every empty church I have ever been to has kicked me out for trying to give my own sermon to a few select individuals, also known as my friends. At least I did not have a man give me a massage followed by sex. If anyone gets this reference, let me know. A kudos is waiting for you.

Yesterday, I found a Minnesota Twins Rusty Kuntz baseball card. I kept it. Why is “Kuntz” a word on Microsoft Word?

Katie brought me food with a grape chilling out in ranch. I do like grapes and I do like ranch, but I do not like grapes in ranch. Granch. Ranpes. Grapch. Rapes.

Many students say that the hardest part of an essay is to write the conclusion.

Seven Days at Ashford University and Counting

August 25, 2011 Leave a comment

I arrived in Moline, Illinois on Friday, August 19th at 10:55am and was in Clinton, Iowa an hour later. It was here where I was officially on my own. I did what the admission representatives who picked me up told me to do. I went into Durham Hall to pick up my room key. This was the lobby and hang out area of my new home. I went through the unfamiliar doors, up the stairs I didn’t know existed, and down the second-floor hall to the room I had never been in. Room 210. My home.
I always imagined walking in for the first time to see my roommate. But alas, he wasn’t in the room. I set my stuff down on the dresser and headed to the cafeteria, which I knew existed from my only other visit to the campus back in May. There was a complimentary lunch for all of the students arriving that day. Two slices of pizza and a glass of lemonade. I didn’t know anyone, so I stayed close by the admission reps that had been helping me all day. After lunch, I went to get everything else I needed. My student ID card, some paperwork, and other essentials. There was a meeting that day and I sat with someone random. I thought I was never going to talk to anyone. I learned otherwise.
After all the meetings, I went back to my room to find my roommate sitting in his chair. Drew seemed like a very nice guy. I’ve come to learn over the week that this has stayed true. My first full day was Saturday, the 20th, and my goal for the day was to go to Walmart to get dorm room essentials that I couldn’t bring with me via flying. I got my bed items, laundry stuff, and an extra towel. I would later learn that the more you stay here, the more time you have to come up with things you need. So, more trips to Walmart. I wanted to familiarize myself with the city a little bit and Clinton has a minor league baseball team. I like baseball. Seven-tenths of a mile away are the Clinton Lumberkings. At an extremely affordable $5 ticket, I got in to watch them, sadly, lose to the Cougars of Kane County. I went the next three nights as well, in which they won all three. Getting to talk to the relief pitchers who sit down the third base line is a lot of fun and has already created many memories.
The back-up catcher that I always talk to, Carlton Tanabe, who I hope becomes someone someday, shares the same birthday as me, October 28. All of the guys like the hot girls that work at various concessions. At one point, they had me deliver a ball with the words “Snow cone, please?” written on it to the hot snow cone girl. All of my chats and deeds earned me the right to throw a ball out to the left fielder as he was warming up before the fifth inning of the August 23rd game against the Cougars. The night before, I got a foul ball. My first ever. Although the season ends next week, I look forward to the final homestand of the regular season this upcoming weekend.
As for not knowing anyone because I’m coming from over 2,000 miles away, my goal has been to meet at least one new person a day. I use the fact I’ve from Oregon to start a lot of conversations. People find it fascinating here. It leads to talks about why I’m here, the weather (I am in for some fun during the winter), sports, and all sorts of things. Lately, I’ve been eating dinner with the same people. I’m getting invited to play video games, sports, and other activities. What I imagined was going to happen is not at all reality.

And that’s a good thing.