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Random Musings 2

July 22, 2012 Leave a comment

The fascinating thing about riding on an airplane is the simple fact you are able to rip the loudest fart you possibly can muster and no one will hear it. Of course the same circulating air means that everyone around you has to not only smell it, but endure it. Thinking about it, I have to deal with it as well.

The story of Helen Keller is easily one of the most impressive things I have ever heard or read about. I do not think enough credit is given to her teacher, which is evident because I cannot even tell you the teacher’s name. However, if I was her teacher, I probably would have sat her down at the dining table and gave her a coloring book and white colored pencil and let her “have at it.” Thinking about it more in-depth, the probably is now a definitely.

Now I’m not saying I am fond of looking at homeless people, but I do get enthralled reading some of their signs, which ranges from the popular “God Bless” to entire paragraphs about no longer being a “cat women since all of them died.” I have never been inclined to give a homeless person money because I was told in elementary school by a teacher that they once gave money to a homeless person only to turn around and see him buy booze. Why do I even remember that? I can’t even remember my math teacher from third grade. Thinking about it deeper, I don’t recall her being a very good teacher. She’s probably homeless now.

Vince Gilligan is a mastermind. The creator of Breaking Bad took a cancer-stricken teacher that we all rooted for into an intense villain that….that we still root for. That would be like the Easter Bunny coming out and saying that he is really Satan, but still complimenting him on how fuzzy his hair is. Thinking about it, has anyone ever pictured Satan as a soft fur ball of a creature? Hell just got a little gayer.

The town where I attend college, Clinton, Iowa, has a high school. That fact is stupid. Clinton High School is home of the River Kings and Queens since it is located near the Mississippi River. That fact is also stupid. When you think about it being an All Boy’s school… you’re entire view of the institution changes. Think about it.

I was recently dubbed a “nerd” when it came to the late 80s, early 90s television show, Full House. This is both a respectable honor and the beginning of my eventual downfall. I do not know what it means to know that there are 192 episodes, the man that wanted to buy the Tanner’s house was Lou Bond (the name is Bond…Lou Bond), or that Michelle totally did not deserve to be princess for the day because she cut in front of Stephanie, which, totally honest, still makes me upset to this day. That stupid monkey-looking brat got everything she wanted. I am amazed at how often Full House comes up in conversation in my life. Good thing I can hold my own during those talks.

I just got a whole can of Minute Maid orange juice from the flight attendant, along with a cup of ice. Living the high life from seat 16C. The can informed me that inside lies 160% of Vitamin C serving. Now, I am not only afraid of the plane blowing up, I’m scared I just might blow up.

I want to start a band called Army of Frogs.

When it comes to helping set up a bridal shower party, a menstrual cycle is trying to creep up in me. When I am forced to sit in the next room, I feel alone. The point here is that we should lock girls in rooms alone when they have their period, only briefly stopping by to give them mini sandwiches, that they obviously made themselves and little cups of water to help tame said period.

Every empty church I have ever been to has kicked me out for trying to give my own sermon to a few select individuals, also known as my friends. At least I did not have a man give me a massage followed by sex. If anyone gets this reference, let me know. A kudos is waiting for you.

Yesterday, I found a Minnesota Twins Rusty Kuntz baseball card. I kept it. Why is “Kuntz” a word on Microsoft Word?

Katie brought me food with a grape chilling out in ranch. I do like grapes and I do like ranch, but I do not like grapes in ranch. Granch. Ranpes. Grapch. Rapes.

Many students say that the hardest part of an essay is to write the conclusion.

Random Musings

June 19, 2011 Leave a comment

I noticed that Green Bay calls itself Titletown. I don’t agree with this. And it’s not because I’m a Chiefs fan. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Green Bay isn’t a town. Generally speaking, the United States classifies a place a “town” when it has less than ten thousand people. Green Bay? 104,057 (as of the 2010 census. For the record, when I visit Green Bay, it becomes 104,058). As a side note, there is such a place as Green Bay Town, Wisconsin. Now that is a town. The only thing going for Green Bay (which isn’t even Green. The water is poopy brown) is its football team. You know, the Acme Packing Company. The team has won four Super Bowls (fourth-most in the NFL) and a total of 13 championships (this includes football prior to 1967, which no one cares about). To be a Titletown, you should probably have more than one team. Look at the Yankees. Twenty-seven championships. Look at the Lakers of Los Angeles. Fourteen titles. The Boston Celtics? Seventeen championships. You don’t see those teams showing any signs of being conceited.  If you are going to be called “Titletown,” then that specific “town” should have a rich history in winning at sports and not just in football. Chicago, New York, and Dallas all have better cases. Even if none of them are towns.

Breaking Bad returns July 17, ten days after I come from seeing my girlfriend in “Titletown.” This is by far the greatest show on television. I don’t know why a show about singing high school buffoons is getting ten million viewers and how a show about singers getting made fun of by a man named Simon gets a staggering thirty million, while Breaking Bad gets about 1.5 million. People and their passion with singing these days. The show, which will start its fourth season in under a month, is about a chemistry teacher turned drug dealer. You know the funny dad from Malcolm in the Middle? Yeah. That drug dealing teacher is that guy. Bryan Cranston is as good of an actor as you will see on television today. Maybe that’s why he has won the the award for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series at the Emmy’s…three years in a row. I recommend watching the first three seasons right now so you’ll be ready for the fourth season when it starts on July 17 at 10pm on AMC. I do not work for AMC and don’t get money for this.

Finally, I’ll end this by talking about both my favorite band and the best band of all time, The White Stripes. With seven albums and eighty-seven total songs, I’ve narrowed it down to the top fifteen to create their eighth album: The Best Of: The White Stripes. (You can click on each song to hear it. You are welcome.)

Track 1: Seven Nation Army
It shows up first on Elephant and it shows up first here. Might as well start with their most popular song, right?
Track 2: Hardest Button to Button
Also from Elephant, this is probably the coolest music video you’ll ever see (not counting the Grand Rapids American Pie video, of course).
Track 3: Icky Thump
The White Stripes most political song of all time comes on the album of the same name.
Track 4: In The Cold Cold Night
We’ll go from that heavy rock to a much softer song and a completely different voice! That’s Meg White (the drummer) singing.
Track 5: Little Acorns
Enjoy Mort Crim’s little story at the beginning
Track 6: Black Math
In my mind, the best solo of any of their eighty-seven songs.
Track 7: One More Cup of Coffee
The White Stripes have many influences and Bob Dylan is one of them. From their debut album, The White Stripes.
Track 8: We’re Going To Be Friends
Think Napoleon Dynamite here. Also, its my girlfriend’s favorite song by them, so I have to include it.
Track 9: Black Jack Davey
Another Bob Dylan cover, but its better than the original.
Track 10: Let’s Shake Hands
Catchy and has a nice little solo. Great live version on Under Great White Northern Lights.
Track 11: Denial Twist
Trippy music video and Conan O’Brien makes an appearance. It’s his favorite band too.
Track 12: Fell In Love With A Girl
Nice guitar riff and fun to sing randomly.
Track 13: Conquest
Jack includes trumpets and I love trumpets. He also sings the Spanish version of this song. Is there nothing this man can’t do?!
Track 14: Hotel Yorba
You know you would visit this hotel.
Track 15: Apple Blossom
I think the girls will agree with me on this one.

I just wish The White Stripes were still making beautiful music…