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Random Musings 2

July 22, 2012 Leave a comment

The fascinating thing about riding on an airplane is the simple fact you are able to rip the loudest fart you possibly can muster and no one will hear it. Of course the same circulating air means that everyone around you has to not only smell it, but endure it. Thinking about it, I have to deal with it as well.

The story of Helen Keller is easily one of the most impressive things I have ever heard or read about. I do not think enough credit is given to her teacher, which is evident because I cannot even tell you the teacher’s name. However, if I was her teacher, I probably would have sat her down at the dining table and gave her a coloring book and white colored pencil and let her “have at it.” Thinking about it more in-depth, the probably is now a definitely.

Now I’m not saying I am fond of looking at homeless people, but I do get enthralled reading some of their signs, which ranges from the popular “God Bless” to entire paragraphs about no longer being a “cat women since all of them died.” I have never been inclined to give a homeless person money because I was told in elementary school by a teacher that they once gave money to a homeless person only to turn around and see him buy booze. Why do I even remember that? I can’t even remember my math teacher from third grade. Thinking about it deeper, I don’t recall her being a very good teacher. She’s probably homeless now.

Vince Gilligan is a mastermind. The creator of Breaking Bad took a cancer-stricken teacher that we all rooted for into an intense villain that….that we still root for. That would be like the Easter Bunny coming out and saying that he is really Satan, but still complimenting him on how fuzzy his hair is. Thinking about it, has anyone ever pictured Satan as a soft fur ball of a creature? Hell just got a little gayer.

The town where I attend college, Clinton, Iowa, has a high school. That fact is stupid. Clinton High School is home of the River Kings and Queens since it is located near the Mississippi River. That fact is also stupid. When you think about it being an All Boy’s school… you’re entire view of the institution changes. Think about it.

I was recently dubbed a “nerd” when it came to the late 80s, early 90s television show, Full House. This is both a respectable honor and the beginning of my eventual downfall. I do not know what it means to know that there are 192 episodes, the man that wanted to buy the Tanner’s house was Lou Bond (the name is Bond…Lou Bond), or that Michelle totally did not deserve to be princess for the day because she cut in front of Stephanie, which, totally honest, still makes me upset to this day. That stupid monkey-looking brat got everything she wanted. I am amazed at how often Full House comes up in conversation in my life. Good thing I can hold my own during those talks.

I just got a whole can of Minute Maid orange juice from the flight attendant, along with a cup of ice. Living the high life from seat 16C. The can informed me that inside lies 160% of Vitamin C serving. Now, I am not only afraid of the plane blowing up, I’m scared I just might blow up.

I want to start a band called Army of Frogs.

When it comes to helping set up a bridal shower party, a menstrual cycle is trying to creep up in me. When I am forced to sit in the next room, I feel alone. The point here is that we should lock girls in rooms alone when they have their period, only briefly stopping by to give them mini sandwiches, that they obviously made themselves and little cups of water to help tame said period.

Every empty church I have ever been to has kicked me out for trying to give my own sermon to a few select individuals, also known as my friends. At least I did not have a man give me a massage followed by sex. If anyone gets this reference, let me know. A kudos is waiting for you.

Yesterday, I found a Minnesota Twins Rusty Kuntz baseball card. I kept it. Why is “Kuntz” a word on Microsoft Word?

Katie brought me food with a grape chilling out in ranch. I do like grapes and I do like ranch, but I do not like grapes in ranch. Granch. Ranpes. Grapch. Rapes.

Many students say that the hardest part of an essay is to write the conclusion.

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